Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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