i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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