Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
