Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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