How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
