He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize