It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
