So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
