i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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