wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
