I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Randomize
