shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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