we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
PANTIES FOUND
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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