K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
