You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Are my feet made of real feet?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
