Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
