Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
