New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Randomize
