I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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