so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
