census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Found the puke drawer
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Randomize
