I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
