i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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