no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
