Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
