Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
