Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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