john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
