bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
