WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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