She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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