i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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