im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
