It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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