shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize