I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
