Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize