I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
