and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
