mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
