I'm eating all of the evidence.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
