the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
