I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Randomize
