we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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