I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
