I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Randomize
