...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
