So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
im holly from the hills drunk
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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