Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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