he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
