He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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