I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
