just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I need moral support for this bender
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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