last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
