no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
