the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
