Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
