I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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