I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
