Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
