I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize