i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
