Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
