Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
