Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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