"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
