He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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