You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Quick, to the slutcave!
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
