making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
