Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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