dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
