I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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