My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize