I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
