hotel room ftw
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize