So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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