from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
