you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
