Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
that's an acceptable place to lick
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
