I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
