When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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