Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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