is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
