she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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