she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
