You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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