He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
