True but thats because hes a fetus.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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