I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
