wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
