i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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