2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
It's never too late to be topless.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
