I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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