I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
