I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize