fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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