I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
