i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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