please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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