so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Sorry my hands just texted you
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
