Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
