I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
