Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
