New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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