bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
